Me and You
The day was more to tell than one story but you don't want to tell her but you have to. But she sees and feels that you don’t want to talk and she gets that but more than you ever know is that she wants to talk to you so badly that she blocks everyone out and wait for you to say a word. She wants to tell you how bad her day went because she hardly sees you nowadays. You may think she is cool and calm about how you didn’t say or talked to her well when she thinks you can’t love her more than she loves you.
She thinks you need space so she moves away from you and not being annoying to you but she wants to talk to you on how things are going at home and how you feel. She gets the idea that one day another girl will came to you and you start digging her vibe like you digged her for the past time. She remembers one day she was listening to J cole and when he said, "she had a vibe and a nigga was digging it." She thought that is what you would do because when you see someone else than her you will fall for someone else and forget her. But she remembers that you loves listening to J cole. And when J cole said, "don’t save her” she felt that because when your saving someone you stick with them. Even when they FALL FOR YOU and you save them and oh boy you better bet you stick with her. When you save her from everything she was hurting from and make her feel so special that she ignores dudes that, "hit her up with hi's, hey's, and what's up's”.
But you look down at her and she looks up to you. That means she wants you to pick her up from the ground when she has fallen from heaven and you the giant high mighty person to pick her and put her by your heartbeat because your heartbeat is her strength that she can fly and be truly strong. So your heartbeat is her power to never give up on herself and you. But when you looked down at her and do nothing but just look at her. And she is waiting for you. Not for a new guy to come and do the things you did to her. There are two ways to lust and love. One is to give up when things get tough and another one is that you never give up on the person but you both fight to give through the pain.
You ran when things got hard for me and you. Like when you done with everything she put on the table. Like her love, support, a shoulder to lean on, a hug, and everything she has done for you but got up from your sit and left her sitting at a table that she can’t move from it because she had other people there but she want to just leave but she can’t because people there said “let he go because he is not worth your pain and your tears” but when she falls asleep and hope to dream of you. You are sound asleep and dreaming of not her. But “hey” she says to herself then says “ he was a great friend that i had but i bet he cares about me in a way that i have cared for him.”. Then she soundly falls asleep thinking you love her.
BUT hey no one knows how you feel but only yourself. Oh how she wonders what you feel or her: A friend, baby girl, sister, or a best friend. Yet she is to afraid to ask you because she knows your busy or annoyed. So if your wondering what she is doing just ask because she needs to know that you care about her before she loses herself in a world that shows her that she is loved but doesn’t feel it but maybe because your not loving her.
From the day you left you were on her mind and for every day
She has been waiting on you to say you are staying. But now you are lying to her face. You having her believe on the things that one day you both will be one thing someday. She tried but she is tired of trying on the faith she have for you, tired of to remind herself that someday you will see what you missed. Man you got her believing and trusting you but she should have kept her guard up but you made her think she should trust you. You told her that you wouldn’t that she should trust you and that she shouldn’t believe the lies and rumors and no one told her anything because no one was looking out for her. But only one person said “I’ll be there for you if you fall” but that person was you and when she fall you were never there. One person said “that you wouldn’t split us apart”.
But now she can’t believe that person took your side. she tried to apologize and that was one thing she wanted to piece back together because man she needed you two both to be there when she needed someone to be there for her. She was just another book on the shelf and you don’t give a shit to read her story and you leave her just to make yourself look better but you were the best she ever had and she was that same book you read over and over. Having a good beginning and ending with a bad thing to end with. she should have listen to herself because even though the bullshit and the rainbows she fucking stayed and man you just leaved when things got worst for you and things were worst for her. She was there for you. Man when her uncle died she wasn’t herself you asked if she was okay because she always spaced out and started to cry and she said she was okay and there was nothing to worry about.
But then days past and on a day she want you to hold your hand and she felt the you wanted to handed her hand too. But the next few days you asked for another chance. And she was afraid to give it to you because the past comes around and repeats and it the same ending but who knew there was a twist.
On valentines was the worst thing happened that she cried so bad she wanted to dream about the days that you both had because we were the best she ever had just tell her why, why she had to go through the worst.
When you thought she was sleeping she was actually waking up every hour checking her phone to see if you were alright. When you were with your friends. she knew that she shouldn’t text you because she would have that talk when she talk to her uncle she just wish you read more to her story because man you never knew the half part of her and now she wish no one will see it.
She always look both ways and every way was the right one. She looked your way and that made sense and she looked through her way and that makes sense and now she wish she was never looking both ways when crossing because now she wishes she was hit by the bus of somethings that bother her now she is wondering if she wasn’t around you. You would hit up someone else or just her. Like blowing up her phone the way you blow up the puff of smoke every time you wanted to get high.
Every time you came to mind she thought every game you looked at other girls. And she believe your friends that you never did look at other girls but who knew you were getting the numbers too and man when she thinks, she cries.
When she found that you did a wrong she cried inside but never showed it on the outside. The cupcake she knew it was a sorry cupcake but she was okay and knew it was a mistake for you. But you got mad and went to her friend. Instead of talking to her friend you couldn’t have talked to her and tell her what get wrong. Days past and she forgive you. When you hugged her and said you love her she almost cried and hugged you back. That day she knew things were never going to be the same and she knew best for her and she decision to let go of you.
But now she wanted to know if you ever saw her in person what would you do and say because saying the right thing will change and the wrong thing will ruin something so special. You were the best even though you were the worst to her.
How can you think breathing is easy? You breathe, she breathe and he breathe. While looking at you she swear she can’t breathe. The things you do. The things you used to do they are reminders of you. You had to go but why you had to go. Wishing another day with you. You looking the other way and her looking at you. Man she been crying every night about you. You can breathe fine and when she breathe it’s not right. Wissy and hardly catching a breathe. Feeling to pass out. She know you are doing good because you get more sleep because when you were with her you didn’t sleep. Your demons stay with you when you stayed with her. And when you both went different ways. You know what she said?
She said, "Maybe on the way we will cross paths.”
You said, "No it's not. You'll forget me and i'll forget you.”
She said, "Who can i forget the dude that made me feel love. The dude that made me smile, you are so special that every memory is with me."
You said, "You think i never heard that before every girl said that same old shit to me.”
But when you said that made her heart cried wondering why that hurts its maybe because you were so fucking right and that she was like other girls. she was the same girl you had to mess up because you were so special to her. To that day she wanted to forget you but every love song, and every time she looked at her hand she saw that love of yours was so gone that she can’t forget you. She hold your love and her love in the palms of her hand but she was afraid to open them open that she would lose them that she can’t bring back. Yet when she is leaving you, you go from i don’t care if i leave you to i don’t want you to leave me. But she believes when you want someone to love you. you turn to her because she was the one that loved you the most.
Now imagine that she moves on and never coming back to you and that the guy she is with treats her better than you can but both you’re pathways met and you feel she was your rock and the one who believe in you and the real one that was always there.
Your friends said to me that your okay but i want to hear from you. When you said you’re okay i know your not because i have learned more about you and the truth was not going to be that good but it was bad.
Man theses pass day she wanted to talk but she lost her voice just to talk to you. She have been silence because your love was her power to speak. When she left she thought things were going to be the same but with is the same anymore. She know she can’t piece back your heart. And you can’t piece back her’s. But she saids “Baby Boy tell me why i was the one you had to made special”.
And the one who wasn’t special from the beginning. She thought she was the one and the only one but who know that she was the one and not the only one. She guess she was second place to your heart. She thought she wasn’t the only one who felt the love but she was the only one who felt the love even though she have glasses she can’t see your not good for her. But she can only see that you were good for her too. She still believe you both can make it work but knowing you two can’t work but she still believe you and her.
Being a fallen angel who was looking for a flying angel little did she know that to was a fallen angel using her for her wings so you can be up with heaven and when she did she fell again now she can’t trust another angel and waits to prove that he will help her but you will not stay for her but be there for her when she needs you. She is flipping through her pages and to see if her prayers and god will help you with your rough times and your easy times. Even though she shouldn’t but that was her love and you can’t see she wants the best for you. Even when you want the worst for her but she can be wrong. She looks both ways with your love and hers.
When talking to you everything doesn’t matter and when we stop everything's matters and i hate that you can take my mind.
Chapter 4 Fixing herself
Days has past and the day she left for school. She realize you were the best and worst. That you made her better than she was. Yes she keeps her guard up and never looks back to the days. And now she is better that you are doing good and the best you can be. If your asking is she okay. Yes she is okay. Actually better than she was before everything happened. She sees that she can do better and to never fall too fast and trust too easily. You were her first love and now she knows what she needs to fix. And little by little picking up the broken pieces of her heart and glueing it back together. She loves herself and never sees that she wasn’t good enough. But sees that she is worth more than she wanted. She knows that letting her down was strength for her to climb back up and see the sunset. She is thankful things didn’t go as plan but thankful you have should her the way to be there for people when people are there for her too. She thanks you.
Anastasia Small is a small community girl with dreams. She was born on September 28, 2002. In Chinle, AZ. Parents are Lorraine and Austin small. She is Navajo (dine). She lives in Rock Point A.Z. She loves to play volleyball and to write stories for fun. Her favorite ice cream is Strawberry and rocky road. She loves her family and friends.